If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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