She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
