Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
