drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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