You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
