why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
