I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
