I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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