I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just pee around me
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
