There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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