I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Someone shit on the floor
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
