oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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