Where are you?
In a non slutty way
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
