so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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