he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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