Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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