She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
