so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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