I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
