Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
