escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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