...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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