Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's shark week go big or go home
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
