Only a mothe r could love this liver
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
