I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
