Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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