When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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