i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
