Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
NoShamevember. You game?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
