I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
