ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
