You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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