The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Still dying that you shit outside
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
