So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
