Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
