were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Sorry about my life...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
