Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
