you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
