I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
