Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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