happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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