Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize