Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
