Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
