So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You're like the curious george of whores
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
