I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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