I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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