got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
