WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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