Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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