he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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