Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
