Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
