what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
