You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
