so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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