It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
