Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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