Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
