Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
