I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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