i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
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