I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Still dying that you shit outside
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
