I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize