I heard we made out
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
