I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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