I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
