i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
