And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Let's get the cat blown out
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