i just had sex bonerless
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
