Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
