you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
