what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
