I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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