I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
