It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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