Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
