she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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