I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
