i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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