I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
