I need help removing her.
another moral hangover. fuck.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
