the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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